It feels like I’m putting my own desires on the back burner while everyone else is living their lives

Good afternoon. It’s wonderful that you didn’t stop at the thought of "well, we just rescheduled the meeting and that’s that," but instead listened to yourself more deeply. From what you’ve written, it seems this situation touched on something important inside you.

And you’ve already noticed this yourself: the issue isn’t so much about your friend or the changed plans, but rather about your reflections on your own life, your desires, about what you dare to do and what you keep postponing.

This is a very valuable moment. Sometimes an unpleasant feeling doesn’t come to upset us, but to draw our attention to something important.

Perhaps now is the time to reflect on a few questions. What do you want for yourself, if you don’t base your choices on what others suggest? What desires have you been putting off for a long time? What holds you back—fear of making a mistake, fear of judgment, insecurity, or the habit of waiting for the right moment?

And one more important question: how often do you become the author of your own plans, rather than just a participant in someone else’s? Sometimes inner dissatisfaction arises precisely when we live for too long by the principle of "agreeing," instead of more often asking ourselves: "What do I want?"

It seems to me that this is the direction where you might make many interesting and important discoveries about yourself right now.

There’s a really interesting aspect to explore here—whether it’s more about not living your own life or feeling hurt that others don’t choose you, that they might cancel plans to prioritize other people or activities.

When someone invites you somewhere or suggests doing something together, what motivates your decision to agree? What feelings come into play?

What are your desires and interests?

Do you need company to do the things you want to do, or can you pursue them independently if the desire arises?

Hello!

It seems like I’m putting my desires on the back burner while others are living their lives.

You’ve noticed this and seem to be trying to understand whether it’s really the case. Let’s assume you are postponing them. Then the question arises—why? And what’s the purpose? The second question is no less, and perhaps even more important, than the first.

When I posed these questions, what were the first answers that flashed through your mind?

I don’t do what I want, or I don’t dare to.

To avoid acting or engaging with the energy needed to fulfill desires, there must be explanations. First and foremost, there needs to be a connection with your inner world—at least with your own desires. So, what are your desires? What do they involve?

Lately, I’ve noticed that I’m not a priority for others.

So, you’ve gathered quite a few examples where other people prioritize someone else over you. Did I understand that correctly?

Perhaps the reason lies in the fact that others prioritize someone in their family—for example, a wife prioritizing her child, husband, or mother. Have you noticed something like this? This is about the degree of closeness. Of course, it’s not always based on kinship, but still...

It’s also worth paying attention to whom *you* prioritize. Who do you place, so to speak, in your inner first circle?

It turns out I’m fulfilling others’ desires.

This is an interesting and important aspect—what explanation takes priority over your own desires? What’s more at play here—neglect of your own needs, a lack of awareness of your desires, fear of refusal due to the risk of damaging relationships, or an attempt to overcome feelings of loneliness or boredom in this way?

Svitlana, good day! What is holding you back from doing what you want? If you don’t dare, does that mean you’re afraid of something? Do you know what exactly?

You mentioned that you fulfill others’ desires—traveling to a certain city, going to places chosen by someone else, spending time as others decide, whether to stay overnight or not, how long to stay, etc.

If there are things you don’t like about what someone else suggests, you can always make your own suggestions. That would already be joint planning. Have you tried doing that?

Hello. If you don’t know where to start making changes and finally dare to do so, it’s very helpful to begin with what already hurts. Emotional pain is a brilliant guide. It not only shows what wounds you but also what you’re missing.

Try writing down five things that currently cause you the greatest emotional pain. Then, for each one, ask yourself: *What needs to appear in my life for this pain to disappear?*

Often, it turns out that your list of pain is already a ready-made plan for personal growth—that is, your own life path—and no one can create it for you except yourself. Only pain will highlight it for you.

For example, from your message:

*— I constantly adjust to others—I want to choose myself and my desires.*

*— I lack closeness—I want warm and reliable relationships.*

Now, all that’s left is to figure out how to put this into practice.

I wish you the courage to trust your desires and gradually turn them into actions.