I don’t trust men

Good afternoon. It’s interesting that, on one hand, you write that you haven’t had relationships with boys, while on the other, you feel distrust toward them. At the same time, in your family, you’ve seen examples of strong marital relationships and reliable men. So where does this feeling of distrust come from? Is there a specific episode from your life that planted the idea of betrayal in your mind?

Expectations of an ideal partner who will never betray you and always protect your interests are a mirage that has cost many people dearly in terms of nerves. It’s a dream of unconditional love, which only parents are capable of—and even they don’t always manage it.

We all live in conditions of uncertainty. And that’s normal. We change: a man who swears eternal devotion to a woman at twenty will inevitably change by thirty, forty, or fifty. The same goes for a woman.

At different stages of life, we become different people. Ultimately, no one owes anyone anything when it comes to feelings. You can’t control them. You can control behavior—but not feelings.

It’s important to be your own support—that is, to be the master of your own life. And if you’re lucky, you’ll meet a man who is the same. Two self-sufficient individuals can build strong, long-lasting relationships because they don’t need to use each other to heal their own emotional wounds.

There’s no single guaranteed way to meet the person of your dreams. No one has that.

So the only possible path is the trial-and-error method. And courage: we go where it’s scary. No one is to blame if nothing works out. We move forward, relying on ourselves.

Good morning! You don’t trust guys because they might betray you or leave. There are indeed many such cases. But there are also those who need close relationships with one girl. Why do you refuse to believe you could build a relationship with such a guy? Who helped you believe that guys are unreliable and shouldn’t be trusted?

Right now, many of my acquaintances are getting married, and I can’t understand why. Is that girl really sure he won’t leave her in a few years or cheat on her?

Perhaps for her, it’s important to have a partner who makes her life fuller. It’s important to create a family and, in the future, become a mother. And she’s willing to endure the fear that she might be betrayed or abandoned. Maybe she doesn’t even have that fear at all. My question to you is: why do you have it, and why is it so strong that it keeps you from pursuing relationships?

It’s very hard to tell if he’s a good person because they mask themselves, and then all sorts of things come out later.

Masking can happen at the start of a relationship, but eventually, people reveal different sides of themselves. Still, it’s not necessary to demand that you know immediately whether someone is good or not. First, you gather information about the person, observe how they behave, how they treat you and others, how they respond to your words, disagreements, and boundaries.

To do this, you need to allow yourself to gain experience communicating with guys—not immediately seeing every acquaintance as a potential future husband. Talk, message, go on dates, observe, ask questions, and notice your feelings. Over time, you’ll learn to better understand who you’re dealing with: who respects your boundaries, who can discuss difficult topics, who takes responsibility for their actions, and who tries to manipulate or hides problematic sides. Then you won’t need to trust every guy upfront. You’ll be able to gradually build trust based on his real behavior.

Right now, you’re trying to protect yourself from possible betrayal or separation even before a relationship begins. But in doing so, you’re not just protecting yourself from bad experiences—you’re also depriving yourself of the chance to have good ones.

Hello!

I don’t trust men.

Let’s assume there are good reasons for this. I mean a painful experience where someone betrayed you. Or when you knew someone close was being betrayed. Did something like that happen to you?

Clearly, those events left a deep mark on your attitude toward men. Now that "stamp" shapes your current life, confining you to a space of communication and relationships where men are absent.

At the same time, you have positive examples in your family—your parents and your grandparents. But was there always (especially in their younger years) harmony, mutual understanding, trust, and unconditional acceptance between them?

Have you ever asked your mother or grandmother how they managed to find and recognize reliable partners?

Did they ever experience even a moment of doubt like the ones you describe?

I’m convinced that in an honest conversation, the women in your family could share a lot of useful insights that would enrich your views and perspectives.

I hope you’ll share your impressions on the forum later.

Hello. For relationships, I wouldn’t advise immediately labeling men as untrustworthy, as in men can’t be trusted, men cheat, etc. This oversimplifies reality and, by the way, can shift all responsibility for the relationship onto the man.

In relationships, there are two people. You are part of these relationships, and so is the man. Each has their own perspective, values, and ideas about what is 'right.'

You can’t know for certain what the other person will be like in a few years. All people are alive and change. But you can build trust in yourself, recognize your worth, see your boundaries, and understand what you will do if your values or boundaries are violated.

Even though you didn’t ask a direct question, it’s implied between the lines: Can men be trusted?

But I would ask you differently: Do you trust yourself enough to build relationships and make your own choices?