Is there any chance to rekindle those feelings?

Hello. Could you clarify what kind of change in attitude she meant when she said, "I thought the attitude would change..."?

Hello!

Is there any chance to rekindle the feelings if I become the person she fell in love with three years ago again?

The thing is, you will never be the person you were three years ago again(!) Time has passed. You have changed. So there is no going back. And the very idea is quite questionable.

Look at it this way. The girl has seen you over the course of several years. She noticed things, hoped for certain things, and expected certain things. Over time, her feelings for you did not turn into love. You need to acknowledge that. And, by the way, you need to learn to respect yourself first and foremost. And respect the girl’s decision.

You cannot truly control another person’s feelings at a deep level—you might evoke some emotions, but that’s about it. You cannot step into the same river twice.


It’s clear that the issue for you is that you still can’t accept the fact that the romantic relationship has ended, because you still have feelings and hopes. And the girl’s words—

"I beg you, learn to live without me. We will never be together. I no longer believe in it, I no longer feel anything."

—only stir your heart even more and seem to challenge you: prove that you are worthy of being loved.

If you accept this challenge, it means you are taking the wrong path. This path is tied to catering to another person’s needs at the cost of sacrificing yourself. Not literally, of course. But you lose your self-respect and a sense of healthy autonomy. You drift toward emotional dependence with all its negative consequences.

So my recommendation is to focus on yourself and on what happened in the relationship. What did you give to the girl, and what did you receive in return?

To the question "Are there chances to rekindle the feelings...", if you receive the answer "Yes, it’s possible," what would you do with that? And further: if the feelings are rekindled, what would you do with that?

Good afternoon. You’re framing the question based on what seems like a functional understanding. As if there’s a problem (which the girl has articulated to you) that needs to be eliminated or resolved. As though it’s something external that simply needs to be removed. But if the issue is truly about feelings rather than resistance, perhaps you should reconsider the very approach I’m referring to. And reflect more broadly on your relationship, your feelings, hers. As the saying goes, *what*, *where*, and *when*.

But I understand that shifting your perspective in this way offers no guarantees or control. Something might change in the direction you desire, or it might not. And so, unconsciously, you may choose a way of *acting*—pressure, either on yourself or on her. I agree with my colleague that this leads toward dependence and self-imposed limitations. And yet I aim to see you free.

But this is a complex topic. We’re discussing it from the perspective of relationship psychology, yet the emotional component and the philosophy of relationships extend far beyond any psychological analysis. So it’s up to you to reflect and decide.

One more time: Perhaps the feelings you claim "don’t exist" are merely an excuse. I don’t know if it’s hers. But what matters far more is yours. As if you’ve dismissed feelings that deserve broader reflection—feelings that are, in fact, the foundation of your relationship. You’ve let them go because they threaten you in some way (I’ve already made assumptions about what that might be: something like the thought, *Better to lose the feelings (yourself) than the object of attachment*).

Good afternoon. You cannot bring back someone else’s feelings, because their emotions do not belong to you.

You can develop yourself, explore your inner/emotional state, and work on yourself. You can become who you truly are.

From your message, I don’t quite understand which feelings you’re referring to or how your relationship developed.