Feeling Desperate About My Business

Good day.

Regarding assessing your state, you’ve actually described its main components quite well—you’re exhausted, and first and foremost, emotionally. It’s hard to go through failures, and against the backdrop of other problems, your emotional resources get depleted. Meanwhile, your expectations of yourself don’t disappear, nor do life’s challenges.

To actually "allow" yourself to work in a different job, it’s important to regain the strength for it. To release the tension that’s holding you back, restore your resources, and examine what’s causing resistance to working for someone else—whether you need to re-evaluate your values or find a personal compromise.

But one of the key things seems to be working specifically on your resources and psychological state. In despair and exhaustion, not only do you not gain strength, but it also fades away. So addressing this issue appears to be the main focus.

How exactly you can restore your resources, what else you can rely on, and where to move forward from here—these are the questions for you. And you’re right to mention therapy, because it’s a place where you can work through this.

But there are also ways to reflect on your own. It’s important that you recognize your difficulties and take them seriously. And that means you can definitely overcome them.

Good evening, Ruslan.
Let’s try to reflect a bit on what might be happening with you right now.
Your words immediately caught my attention: "I often feel exhausted, desperate, and apathetic. Sometimes, anxiety is present..."
These symptoms strongly resemble psycho-emotional burnout and signs of a depressive state.
This often happens when life energy is at zero, when a person loses their basic inner supports and understanding of where they are going. The fact that you are a believer is wonderful. But often, faith alone is not enough to understand yourself and the events that happen in life for a reason. After all, it is only in a state of inner harmony that strength appears and new opportunities open up.
So, in my opinion, first, you need to help yourself out of this state. And that requires some work on yourself, some effort. How do you usually rest? How often do you spend time in nature?
Then, figure out why you have such a reaction to work. After all, it involves the ability to submit, work in a team, have certain obligations to others, and, most importantly, the ability to accept what life—and therefore God, the Universe—gives us.
In my opinion, you are currently in a state where a powerful inner transformation is needed first. It’s like moving from one level to another in a video game. To move forward, you need certain new skills and new experiences. And only then, when we are ready, do opportunities for our dreams appear.
You write: "I’m looking for a job, and sometimes I find something that resonates with me. But my body and soul resist." It’s difficult for me to say anything specific based solely on your words, but in my opinion, you need to carefully understand, first and foremost, the reasons for this strong inner resistance to everything that doesn’t bring you satisfaction. Because it is precisely where there is resistance that there may be an unconscious block that formed much earlier, possibly in childhood.
After all, we come into this life to grow. But how can we change radically, develop a sense of acceptance, responsibility, or even religious humility, if we only do what we want and only what we like?

Ruslan, good day!

You know what you want—to have your own business. And you understand that you should work for someone for a while to pay off your debts and save up to start your new business. But you strongly resist working for an employer.

It might make sense to see a psychologist to figure out why this resistance arises. Perhaps it’s related to your relationship with your parents. Symbolically, an employer is often perceived by the psyche as a parental figure: someone who controls your income, evaluations, approval, or punishment. If, in childhood, there was a lot of control, criticism, humiliation, injustice, or a sense that you constantly had to adapt, then working for an employer might unconsciously feel like returning to that same dependent position.

In that case, the resistance isn’t just to a specific job but to the very idea of being under someone’s authority, following someone else’s rules, reporting to others, asking for time off, or coordinating your decisions with another person. You may intellectually understand that this is a temporary stage needed to achieve your goal, but emotionally, you may strongly dislike the idea of working for someone else.

A psychologist can help you identify where this resistance comes from, what childhood experiences or beliefs are fueling it, and separate past experiences from your current reality. This way, you can start seeing work not as submission to someone else but as a tool for implementing your own plan: earning money, paying off debts, and building your business. When a person stops fighting the idea of employment as a symbol of parental authority, it becomes much easier to go through this transitional period and use it to their advantage.